Lifetime Supply...

If you didn't read my last post, you might want to read it before continuing with this one...


Go ahead, I'll wait.


I went into my office today to try and finish up some artwork that I have been working on all weekend and found a little surprise waiting for me.


Taped to my office door were several gold stars and some Q-tips.


[Seriously, if you haven't read the last post, this won't make any sense...this is your last chance]


I thought to myself, "Isn't that cute. Someone reads my blog and they thought they'd play a little prank on me. How thoughtful."


Then I opened my door.


It looked like a Q-tip bomb had exploded in my office. Not a Q-tip grenade, or a Q-tip land mine...a Q-tip bomb.  


Q-tips were EVERYWHERE. They covered the floor, they were on my desk, in my chair, on my computer, in my drawers (not my underwear, my desk drawers...nobody is THAT sneaky), and even on my bookshelves.


There was even a plastic trash can on my desk with gold stars glued to the inside of it. 


I immediately checked with the two ladies who were currently at the building to see if they were involved. They weren't. 


They sure did laugh, though. I will remember that, ladies.


So I called Brooke [my wife]. She laughed and said that it was a couple of friends of ours [who shall remain nameless and shall be henceforth referred to only as "Alan" and "Cindy"...for their protection] and that they had done it yesterday. 


Come to find out, they had deposited exactly 1875 Q-tips at various locations in my office. 


Did I have this coming? Does Galatians 6:7 apply to me in this case? Am I an insensitive husband who was just "cruisin' for a Q-tippin'"? 


Does it really matter? 


No. 


Brooke has been avenged - if anyone out there felt bad for her - but I would like to make a point here:


I believe that there is a double standard at work here. 


Oh yes. 


A big fat one. 


See, if Brooke had blogged about ME missing the trash can with MY Q-tips, and I had given HER a sarcastic answer when she called ME on it, this would have gone very differently.  


Because when a wife blogs about her husband doing stuff like that, she gets responses like:


"You ain't got to take that from no MAN!"


"Oh no he didn't!"


"You need to kick that man to the curb, girlfriend!"


"My husband does the same thing and I shot him straight-up in the face! You wanna borrow my gun, girl?"


Yes. You know I'm right.


And if she had blogged about that, you know what would have happened next?


That's right...


I STILL would have gotten Q-tipped!!!


Because when a husband blogs about his wife (even with her permission...which I didn't actually have, but I'm sure I could've gotten), he is automatically in the wrong. 


It wouldn't have mattered if I had blogged about Brooke poisoning a small child for fun, someone would have said, "Jeremy, you really shouldn't talk about your wife like that. I'm sure that kid had it coming."


So you see, I just can't win. 


Whatta world. 


For the record, Brooke was never upset about my last blog. We have established an understanding on these matters:


1. I get to blog about her, within reason. And if I ever cross the line and actually upset her with a blog post...
2. She is going to kill me. 


It seems to be working out so far.  


By the way, this is also an open invitation to anyone in the Tuscaloosa area who needs their ears cleaned for the next 18 months. 


We got you covered.