Well, tomorrow is the big election.
I plan to vote, and I also plan to wear that little "I Voted" sticker on my shirt; because I believe that it makes me better than all of the people who either didn't vote, or who refuse to wear stickers.
To be honest, one of the only reasons that I go vote is because I like to get that sticker. If they stopped giving it, I might just stop voting.
Stickers are important to me.
I, for one, think that they ought to give out more stickers at these elections. I think that it would encourage more of us to vote if there more specific stickers to commemorate the occasion.
Here are some ideas for more stickers:
1. "That Ballot Was Very Confusing" (for honest voters)
2. "Voting is Awesome" (for enthusiastic voters)
3. "Vote or Die" (for angry voters)
4. "Don't Be a Goat...Vote" (for those voters who look down on goats)
5. "Bundle Up in Your Coat and Vote" (for cold-natured voters)
6. "Bundle Up Your Goat in a Coat & Go Vote" (for voters with cold-natured goats who wanted to share in the experience of voting with their owners)
7. "I Floated As I Voted" (for those who passed gas as they voted)
8. "I Didn't Vote" (for those voters who changed their mind at the last minute)
9. "I Voted Twice" (for voters who like to lie a lot to impress other people)
10. "We Voted" (for schizophrenic voters)
11. "MMMMMM, Voter Votin'" (for voters who can't get that Little Big Town song out of their heads)
12. "Did I Vote?" (for forgetful voters)
13. "I Got Donuts When I Voted, But They're All Gone" (for cruel voters)
14. "Gloatin' 'Bout My Votin'" (for voters who like to gloat, but don't like to use complete words when they do it)
15. "I Was Loaded When I Voted" (for those who have lots of money)
16. "I Was Loaded When I Voted" (for those who had too much to drink before they voted)
17. "I Was Loded Win I Vowtid" (for those who had way too much to drink before they voted)
18. "Detov I" (for dyslexic and/or vain voters who like to look at themselves in the mirror a lot and admire their own patriotism)
19. "I Voted for You" (for close friends of either Barack Obama or Mitt Romney who plan on spending the day with them tomorrow)
20. "I Plan to Vote Tomorrow" (for procrastinating voters)
In all seriousness, I would encourage all of us to participate in this important process tomorrow. It is a privilege and a responsibility, as Christians who live in a democratic society, to engage in the selection of our leaders.
We can play a vital part in the direction of our country, and we should vote in a way that reflects our morals, values, and commitment to the Lord.
I am not a very political person, so I don't get involved in many political discussions, but I thought I would weigh in just to encourage you to vote.
Plus, you get a sticker.
It's a win-win.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Thoughts on Halloween
Today is Halloween.
Hoo......ray.
My excitement level - as far as Halloween is concerned - is probably at an all-time low.
In fact, as far as holidays go, Halloween is probably one of my least favorite (only St. Patrick's Day trumps it on the "Apathy Scale").
As a recently-diagnosed diabetic with two small children to clothe/feed, I find that copious amounts of sugary candy and expensive costumes now have only a fraction of the appeal they once had.
I know what you're thinking:
"But Jeremy, you need to be excited about Halloween for the sake of your children! Don't you want them to enjoy it as much as you did?"
Be quiet.
Of course I want my children to enjoy Halloween (eventually), but since neither one of them is really old enough to know what's going on right now, you'll have to forgive me if I'm less than pumped about it this year.
Part of it simply comes from the fact that Halloween seems to get kind of "old" to me, as the years go by. I mean, it's just the same old thing, year after year.
I think, just to shake things up a bit, we should change Halloween from year to year. You know, just to keep people on their toes.
Here are some possible ideas:
1. Instead of watching scary movies, we could watch historical documentaries of people from other countries
2. Instead of bobbing for apples, we could bob for chicken breast
3. Instead of dressing our children up as super heroes, ghosts, vampires, etc., we could dress them up as our favorite City Councilman or our best friend from college
4. Instead of giving out candy at every house, we could give out tire gauges and magnifying glasses
5. Instead of rolling our neighbor's yards with toilet paper, we could knock on their door and simply tell them, "There's a wolf on your roof!". And then when they come out to check, we can run inside their house, lock them out, and stand in front of their front window, drinking their soda, pointing at them and laughing maniacally. We could call it "Wolfing".
[I haven't figured out an exit strategy for Wolfing yet, but I don't think it will be a problem]
6. Instead of teaching our kids to say "Trick or Treat" when they knock on a door, we could teach them to say random words like "Portable" or "Therefore"
7. Instead of doing cake walks, we could do cake tosses. I'm not sure how it would work, but I think it would be lots of fun
8. Instead of having witches riding on brooms, we could upgrade them to vacuum cleaners
9. Instead of jumping out of bushes and scaring people, we could cut down bushes and throw them at cats
10. Instead of sitting around campfires, roasting marshmallows and telling ghost stories, we could stand around puddles, spitting into them and talking about finance (and maybe politics)
These are just some ideas. Feel free to contribute some of your own if you like.
As I understand it, Halloween has evolved over the years/decades into something that is very different from what it was, originally.
Originally, I doubt that anyone who called themselves a "Christian" would have wanted anything to do with this event; but now, our churches hold special "Fall Festivals" and "Trunk-or-Treats" during this time and we embrace this holiday as a time for families to have fun and spend time together.
I think that's ok, and I think it's actually a good "shift" for this particular holiday to make.
Who knows what Halloween will look like in another 50 years? It could be very different than what it is now, couldn't it?
As a people, we tend to fashion things into what we want them to be, no matter how they started out, don't we? We cut and paste, add and subtract, and generally make things into something that fits/suits us, personally, don't we?
We change recipes because maybe we don't like some of the ingredients.
We order sweet tea and then add more sugar because it isn't sweet enough.
We buy cars and then spend thousands of dollars turning them into something very different than what we bought.
We play board games and make up our own rules (I'm talking to you, Brooke)
There is nothing wrong with doing any of these things...except for that last one.
But isn't it sad that many have done this with Christianity, faith, and even with the Bible?
It seems as if some look at these sacred, God-given concepts and say, "I like it, but I'd change this", or "That's good, but it would be better if we took this out".
When it comes to holidays, I don't know that it matters what we do with them, but when it comes to God's Word and what it has to say about Christianity, salvation, worship, etc.....it absolutely does matter.
God has spoken.
We simply need to listen, and obey.
But when it comes to Halloween, do whatever you want to with that.
I don't care.
Just be careful when you go Wolfing, because you might get arrested.
Or shot.
Hoo......ray.
My excitement level - as far as Halloween is concerned - is probably at an all-time low.
In fact, as far as holidays go, Halloween is probably one of my least favorite (only St. Patrick's Day trumps it on the "Apathy Scale").
As a recently-diagnosed diabetic with two small children to clothe/feed, I find that copious amounts of sugary candy and expensive costumes now have only a fraction of the appeal they once had.
I know what you're thinking:
"But Jeremy, you need to be excited about Halloween for the sake of your children! Don't you want them to enjoy it as much as you did?"
Be quiet.
Of course I want my children to enjoy Halloween (eventually), but since neither one of them is really old enough to know what's going on right now, you'll have to forgive me if I'm less than pumped about it this year.
Part of it simply comes from the fact that Halloween seems to get kind of "old" to me, as the years go by. I mean, it's just the same old thing, year after year.
I think, just to shake things up a bit, we should change Halloween from year to year. You know, just to keep people on their toes.
Here are some possible ideas:
1. Instead of watching scary movies, we could watch historical documentaries of people from other countries
2. Instead of bobbing for apples, we could bob for chicken breast
3. Instead of dressing our children up as super heroes, ghosts, vampires, etc., we could dress them up as our favorite City Councilman or our best friend from college
4. Instead of giving out candy at every house, we could give out tire gauges and magnifying glasses
5. Instead of rolling our neighbor's yards with toilet paper, we could knock on their door and simply tell them, "There's a wolf on your roof!". And then when they come out to check, we can run inside their house, lock them out, and stand in front of their front window, drinking their soda, pointing at them and laughing maniacally. We could call it "Wolfing".
[I haven't figured out an exit strategy for Wolfing yet, but I don't think it will be a problem]
6. Instead of teaching our kids to say "Trick or Treat" when they knock on a door, we could teach them to say random words like "Portable" or "Therefore"
7. Instead of doing cake walks, we could do cake tosses. I'm not sure how it would work, but I think it would be lots of fun
8. Instead of having witches riding on brooms, we could upgrade them to vacuum cleaners
9. Instead of jumping out of bushes and scaring people, we could cut down bushes and throw them at cats
10. Instead of sitting around campfires, roasting marshmallows and telling ghost stories, we could stand around puddles, spitting into them and talking about finance (and maybe politics)
These are just some ideas. Feel free to contribute some of your own if you like.
As I understand it, Halloween has evolved over the years/decades into something that is very different from what it was, originally.
Originally, I doubt that anyone who called themselves a "Christian" would have wanted anything to do with this event; but now, our churches hold special "Fall Festivals" and "Trunk-or-Treats" during this time and we embrace this holiday as a time for families to have fun and spend time together.
I think that's ok, and I think it's actually a good "shift" for this particular holiday to make.
Who knows what Halloween will look like in another 50 years? It could be very different than what it is now, couldn't it?
As a people, we tend to fashion things into what we want them to be, no matter how they started out, don't we? We cut and paste, add and subtract, and generally make things into something that fits/suits us, personally, don't we?
We change recipes because maybe we don't like some of the ingredients.
We order sweet tea and then add more sugar because it isn't sweet enough.
We buy cars and then spend thousands of dollars turning them into something very different than what we bought.
We play board games and make up our own rules (I'm talking to you, Brooke)
There is nothing wrong with doing any of these things...except for that last one.
But isn't it sad that many have done this with Christianity, faith, and even with the Bible?
It seems as if some look at these sacred, God-given concepts and say, "I like it, but I'd change this", or "That's good, but it would be better if we took this out".
When it comes to holidays, I don't know that it matters what we do with them, but when it comes to God's Word and what it has to say about Christianity, salvation, worship, etc.....it absolutely does matter.
God has spoken.
We simply need to listen, and obey.
But when it comes to Halloween, do whatever you want to with that.
I don't care.
Just be careful when you go Wolfing, because you might get arrested.
Or shot.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Miscellaneous
SOME RANDOM FACTS FROM MY LIFE RIGHT NOW:
1. I have obtained permission from my wife to grow out my beard for three months.
2. Yesterday, I saw a discarded box of Fixodent on the same side of the same street that I saw the discarded box of Poligrip a few weeks ago.
3. I am planning to put up our Christmas tree on November 1st.
4. I put away my brand new watch almost a year ago because the face had started to fog up when I wore it for longer than a few minutes. I started wearing it again a couple of weeks ago - just out of curiosity - and it is no longer doing that.
5. The pumpkin spice coffee that I bought at the store doesn't taste as good as the pumpkin spice coffee at Starbucks.
6. I ran into my old nemesis yesterday (the satanic cat who bit and scratched me during my run a few months ago) and we had a stare-down.
7. My child can say the word "Bartholomew", but has trouble with the word "yes" (she simply says "dah").
8. I have seen Shrek, Shrek 2, Shrek the Third, and Shrek Forever After a combined total of 436 times in the last month.
9. My wife is on a special diet right now and last night she made a pizza the size of a DVD (and that's a generous comparison - it was actually smaller than that).
10. I have not seen a single episode of Duck Dynasty.
11. I have approximately 800 Q-tips in my office, but I don't have a single one in my house.
12. My thermos is half-filled with coffee from last week. I know that it's going to be disgusting when I clean it, so I'm putting it off...which is going to make it even more disgusting.
13. I have about 500 books in my office, approximately 6 of which I have actually read.
14. My prayer life is suffering right now.
SOME CONCLUSIONS I HAVE REACHED REGARDING THESE FACTS:
1. I have accomplished the impossible. My wife might actually be possessed by some kind of alien because she would never do that. I'll check in 3 months.
2. Someone is either messing with me or we have a serial, denture-wearing, non-brand-loyal litterbug in my neighborhood.
3. I will be playing defense with my 2-year old for two months, who has been officially diagnosed with "Ornament Fascination Disorder" (OFD)
4. The Watch Fairy has replaced my malfunctioning watch with a brand new one. I knew she was real.
5. Duh.
6. I won.
7. She might be Russian.
8. I used to like Shrek. Now he is stupid.
9. I'm proud of my wife, but if she leaves one of those pizzas laying around, I might try to put it into the DVD player.
10. I'm planning to buy the DVDs. I just need to remember to keep them out of the kitchen so that Brooke doesn't accidentally put cheese on top of them and eat them.
11. My ears are clean, but I'm doing it on company time. Don't tell.
12. Time for a new thermos.
13. I'm sure they'll make movies of all of these commentaries...right?
14. I think I'll go pray for a while. After all, it's probably the only thing on this list that actually matters, right?
1. I have obtained permission from my wife to grow out my beard for three months.
2. Yesterday, I saw a discarded box of Fixodent on the same side of the same street that I saw the discarded box of Poligrip a few weeks ago.
3. I am planning to put up our Christmas tree on November 1st.
4. I put away my brand new watch almost a year ago because the face had started to fog up when I wore it for longer than a few minutes. I started wearing it again a couple of weeks ago - just out of curiosity - and it is no longer doing that.
5. The pumpkin spice coffee that I bought at the store doesn't taste as good as the pumpkin spice coffee at Starbucks.
6. I ran into my old nemesis yesterday (the satanic cat who bit and scratched me during my run a few months ago) and we had a stare-down.
7. My child can say the word "Bartholomew", but has trouble with the word "yes" (she simply says "dah").
8. I have seen Shrek, Shrek 2, Shrek the Third, and Shrek Forever After a combined total of 436 times in the last month.
9. My wife is on a special diet right now and last night she made a pizza the size of a DVD (and that's a generous comparison - it was actually smaller than that).
10. I have not seen a single episode of Duck Dynasty.
11. I have approximately 800 Q-tips in my office, but I don't have a single one in my house.
12. My thermos is half-filled with coffee from last week. I know that it's going to be disgusting when I clean it, so I'm putting it off...which is going to make it even more disgusting.
13. I have about 500 books in my office, approximately 6 of which I have actually read.
14. My prayer life is suffering right now.
SOME CONCLUSIONS I HAVE REACHED REGARDING THESE FACTS:
1. I have accomplished the impossible. My wife might actually be possessed by some kind of alien because she would never do that. I'll check in 3 months.
2. Someone is either messing with me or we have a serial, denture-wearing, non-brand-loyal litterbug in my neighborhood.
3. I will be playing defense with my 2-year old for two months, who has been officially diagnosed with "Ornament Fascination Disorder" (OFD)
4. The Watch Fairy has replaced my malfunctioning watch with a brand new one. I knew she was real.
5. Duh.
6. I won.
7. She might be Russian.
8. I used to like Shrek. Now he is stupid.
9. I'm proud of my wife, but if she leaves one of those pizzas laying around, I might try to put it into the DVD player.
10. I'm planning to buy the DVDs. I just need to remember to keep them out of the kitchen so that Brooke doesn't accidentally put cheese on top of them and eat them.
11. My ears are clean, but I'm doing it on company time. Don't tell.
12. Time for a new thermos.
13. I'm sure they'll make movies of all of these commentaries...right?
14. I think I'll go pray for a while. After all, it's probably the only thing on this list that actually matters, right?
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
In This Place
Today, I'd like to share a poem that I have written. I wrote this because I want to honestly communicate some of my struggles, as a follower of Christ who lives in a very sinful world.
I share this with you because I know that I'm not alone, and maybe it will help you realize the same thing.
In This Place
There are times when it corrupts
And when You're speaking, interrupts
And drowns out every ray of light that tries to shine
There are moments of distress
That put foundations to the test
And threaten everything I've built that's truly mine
It chokes and strangles when I'm down
And kicks and screams when You're around
Then tries to tell me that it's really on my side
It claims to love me, sympathize
When all my words are silent cries
But never offering a place for me to hide
I'm at home, but always wandering
Never quite sure, always pondering
Is this really all I am, or is there more?
With a love-hate never ending
Poor in spirit, over-spending
And a nagging, daily whisper: what's this for?
In this place I've always known
I'm a stranger, I'm alone
I'm surrounded, but invisible by choice
In this place I can't escape
Those surfaces that can't be scraped
The sound is deafening, but I can't hear a voice
Then I muster strength and will
From some place deep, and calm, and still
And find a hope that goes untouched by all this war
I crawl inside, He pulls me out
I bring my sadness and my doubt
And find a peace that can't be shaken by the roar
Questions answered, hearts unbroken
Words are heard, though poorly spoken
In this place I'm always welcomed as myself
My truest home, I just forget
That I've run far away from it
Amidst the anger and the misplaced calls for help
In this place I find my bearing
When I've grown cold and I'm wearing
When the truth is buried 'neath my smiling face
You'll be there for me to find You
I will try to stay behind You
As You lead me, love me, hold me in this place
I share this with you because I know that I'm not alone, and maybe it will help you realize the same thing.
In This Place
There are times when it corrupts
And when You're speaking, interrupts
And drowns out every ray of light that tries to shine
There are moments of distress
That put foundations to the test
And threaten everything I've built that's truly mine
It chokes and strangles when I'm down
And kicks and screams when You're around
Then tries to tell me that it's really on my side
It claims to love me, sympathize
When all my words are silent cries
But never offering a place for me to hide
I'm at home, but always wandering
Never quite sure, always pondering
Is this really all I am, or is there more?
With a love-hate never ending
Poor in spirit, over-spending
And a nagging, daily whisper: what's this for?
In this place I've always known
I'm a stranger, I'm alone
I'm surrounded, but invisible by choice
In this place I can't escape
Those surfaces that can't be scraped
The sound is deafening, but I can't hear a voice
Then I muster strength and will
From some place deep, and calm, and still
And find a hope that goes untouched by all this war
I crawl inside, He pulls me out
I bring my sadness and my doubt
And find a peace that can't be shaken by the roar
Questions answered, hearts unbroken
Words are heard, though poorly spoken
In this place I'm always welcomed as myself
My truest home, I just forget
That I've run far away from it
Amidst the anger and the misplaced calls for help
In this place I find my bearing
When I've grown cold and I'm wearing
When the truth is buried 'neath my smiling face
You'll be there for me to find You
I will try to stay behind You
As You lead me, love me, hold me in this place
Monday, October 22, 2012
Ouch. Thank you.
As I look back on my childhood, one of the things that stands out is that my parents disciplined me...
A lot.
When I say "a lot", I dont want you to misunderstand me. I wasn't getting spankings every single day.
Or maybe I was.
I can't remember.
My therapist tells me that my memory of these traumatic experiences will come back at some point.
I'm just kidding. I don't have a therapist.
I have 6.
Now, I understand that there are some out there who strongly suggest that corporal punishment is damaging to a child's delicate psyche, but my parents were not in that particular group.
No, they were in a different group.
My parents belonged to a group that bought leather belts and fly swatters for more than one reason, and those reasons had nothing to do with a "psyche".
In fact, belt loops and flies probably felt quite neglected around our house.
You see, my parents belonged to a group of people that believed that the damage done to a child by NOT spanking them was far greater than the damage done by the spanking itself.
I suspect that if Dr. Spock had showed up at my house with all of his "Don't spank your child" nonsense, my Dad would have taken off his belt and spanked him (which is a pretty funny visual image, actually...my Dad spanking Dr. Spock).
By the way, when I say Dr. Spock, I'm not talking about the one from Star Trek; I'm talking about the author.
Although I do believe that the Spock from Star Trek would've gotten a spanking too because my Mom probably would've interpreted his "live long and prosper" hand signal as some kind of rude gesture. She was very sensitive about those things.
And she HATED pointy ears.
Pointy ears=automatic spanking.
To get back to the point, I firmly believe that I am the person that I am today, to a large degree, because of the discipline that I received as a child.
I am thankful for it.
One of the things that I appreciate about the discipline that I received as a child is that my parents always let me know why I was being disciplined.
I didn't exactly appreciate it at the time, but I do now.
"Jeremy, do you know why you're getting this spanking?"
"Yes. Because you're a mean person and you hate me."
"No. But that's why you're getting the next one, though."
I remember that my punishments were always accompanied by an explanation of why they were happening. My parents wanted me to know that this wasn't arbitrary; they weren't a couple of psychos who enjoyed beating children (which makes me remorseful for calling them that as a child); they were doing this...you guessed it...
..."for my own good."
The Bible tells us that if we are a child of God, we will be disciplined by our heavenly Father. In fact, we are told in Hebrews 12:8, that if we are not disciplined by God, we are not His children.
The question is not, "Am I being disciplined by God?", but rather, "HOW is God disciplining me right now, and what does He want me to learn from it?"
However, as is the case when we are children, we may choose to approach the discipline of God in several ways:
1. We can blame others for our discipline/punishment and refuse to accept responsibility for it.
2. We can be angry and bitter about our discipline/punishment and allow it to turn us further away from those who love us.
3. We can accept responsibility for our discipline/punishment and learn from it.
Psalm 38 is an example of someone (David, in this case) who was experiencing some very painful discipline from the Lord. Notice:
"...your arrows have sunk into me..."
"...your hand has come down on me..."
"I am feeble and crushed; I groan because of the tumult of my heart."
David realized, however, that this discipline was from the Lord:
"O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger, nor discipline me in your wrath!"
"There is no soundness in my flesh because of your indignation; there is no health in my bones because of my sin."
David also knew that this discipline was meant to bring him closer to the Lord, not to drive him further away:
"But for you, O Lord, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer."
"Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!"
It astonishes me that so many people who claim to be children of God seem to be oblivious and out of tune to His discipline in their lives.
It seems that everything negative that happens in the lives of some "Christians" seems to cause them to either blame someone else or to turn on God Himself.
They are like children who simply will not acknowledge their role in their relationship with their Father.
Have we forgotten the purpose of discipline? Do we really believe that God is somehow against us? Are we even interested in becoming more like Him or have we reached a point where we no longer want to be bothered, spiritually?
Let me challenge you (and myself as well) to pay attention the next time something negative/painful/difficult comes up in your life.
Ask yourself some questions:
"What did I just do (or NOT do) that God might be disciplining me for?"
"What is God trying to teach/show me through this?"
"How can I approach this situation in a way that will make me a better person/Christian?"
In other words, the next time God gives you a "spanking", make sure you are listening for the inevitable explanation that comes with it.
You'll be thankful that you did...
Eventually.
And eternally.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Goose Bumps with Goose Bumps
I had a dream this morning, right before I woke up.
I can't speak for anyone else, but the dreams that happen when I am "in and out" of sleep are the most vivid, realistic dreams that I ever have.
In my dream this morning, the sky lit up like an explosion of fire and I saw a beautiful, bright city in the sky as the flames gradually disappeared.
Jesus was coming back.
It was really happening in my mind.
My heart skipped several beats, my eyes got wide, and I smiled widely as I watched the scene unfold, wondering if it was actually real.
In my dream, I grabbed Brooke's hand and said, "He's here!"
Then I woke up.
With goose bumps on top of my goose bumps.
It was one of the few dreams that I have had that I wish had been real. To be very honest with you, if it had been real, I'd be ok with it. In the grand scheme of things, I'd rather be with the Lord than to be blogging right now...no offense.
Please don't hear me wrong or misunderstand me.
I love my life here on earth and I'm enjoying every single minute of it...
... OK, not every single minute, but most of them.
God has blessed me with so much. I have a wonderful wife, two precious children, great friends, a loving church family, and physical & spiritual blessings beyond measure...
But I am always ready to go home.
I actually try to look up into the sky every single day, on the chance that I might just be watching when my Savior comes back. Wouldn't that be cool:)
I'll be honest; there are some days when I really struggle with my attachment to the things of this world. I feel tied to them in ways that I know I shouldn't be and I forget to look up.
But even on those days, I'm still ready.
There are days when I'm not as close to my God as I'd like to be; days when I neglect my relationship with Him because I'm distracted.
But even on those days, I'm still ready.
The Bible tells us to be ready; it tells us to be watchful; it tells us to live the kind of lives that say "I'm ready".
The Bible tells us that we can know that we have eternal life. We can be confident and assured of what will happen to us on that great day.
We don't have to be afraid.
And we shouldn't be.
And I'm not.
As the old song says, "Jesus is coming soon, morning or night or noon..."
Are you ready for that day to come?
If not, I can recommend a really good book that tells the story of a God who wants to help you with that.
In the meantime, I think I'll take a nap and see if I can continue that dream...
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Chicken Needle Soup for the Soul
Brooke is taking Ava today to get her flu shot.
And although I love my child dearly......um......better her than me.
If I understand correctly, these shots inject a weak strain of the flu into a person so that his/her body can learn to defend itself in case a stronger strain attacks in the future.
There is always a chance in these situations that the shot itself could make a person sick (which is sharp, painful, torturous irony on glorious display, if you ask me).
I personally wouldn't know anything about flu shots because there is a greater likelihood of a large-scale leprechaun invasion than there is of me getting a shot, voluntarily.
When I have my blood drawn, it takes every ounce of my masculinity not to cry, run out of the office and go home to my mother.
You might ask, "What are you going to do if you get the flu?"
I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I'm going to get the flu.
I'm going to be sick.
I'll probably throw up, have chills, and be unable to get comfortable for days. I'll writhe and moan and lose 8 pounds and maybe someone will make me soup. I'm sure it won't be pretty.
But no matter what happens....no matter how sick I get....I can promise you one thing: there won't be any needles involved.
And I'll be honest with you, that's a gamble I'm willing to take...because I might not get the flu. In fact, I probably won't. I can't remember the last time I had the flu. I think I was 9.
The point is, the chance of me getting the flu is something I'm willing to risk.
It's not a gamble getting a flu shot, however. There is no question whatsoever that it will absolutely hurt.
The principle behind the flu shot is the same principle that my dad used with me when I was young and wanted to try some of his "Apple Brand" chewing tobacco.
In my child's mind, I just assumed that something that was labeled "Apple" would taste like apples.
No. It did not. At all.
My dad must have figured that a small taste of chewing tobacco would cause me to stay away from it for the rest of my life. So he gave me a little bite of it.
He was right.
This "flu shot" principle is actually pretty effective in many situations. For some people, a small taste of something harmful is enough to make them steer clear of it from that point on.
But not always.
That's why a "flu shot" approach to sin is not a good idea.
It is true that a little "taste" of sin just might be enough to show you that it can/will kill you. That small taste might be enough to teach you to run away from it for the rest of your life.
Or...it might not. You might like it. In fact, let's be honest, you probably will. And you might want more than just a taste next time.
Satan isn't stupid.
He doesn't tempt us with things that aren't fun, pleasurable, or desirable; he tempts us with things that are meant to make us come back for more.
Satan isn't satisfied with us taking a sip of sin. He wants us to chug the whole bottle, tap the keg, and come back next weekend; because he knows that even when we do....we will still be thirsty for more.
The Bible tells us to stay completely away from everything that even looks like sin (I Thess. 5:22). That's what God's Word says.
In other words, God is asking us to trust Him when it comes to sin.
Do we?
Or do we think that we need to do a little more "research" on it before we decide that it might cost us our soul? Do we look for ways to inject "weak strains" of sin into our lives? This is dangerous to us, spiritually.
The notion that we must personally experience sin in order to know how bad it is for us is simply not a biblical idea.
Neither is a flu shot, as far as I'm concerned.
And although I love my child dearly......um......better her than me.
If I understand correctly, these shots inject a weak strain of the flu into a person so that his/her body can learn to defend itself in case a stronger strain attacks in the future.
There is always a chance in these situations that the shot itself could make a person sick (which is sharp, painful, torturous irony on glorious display, if you ask me).
I personally wouldn't know anything about flu shots because there is a greater likelihood of a large-scale leprechaun invasion than there is of me getting a shot, voluntarily.
When I have my blood drawn, it takes every ounce of my masculinity not to cry, run out of the office and go home to my mother.
You might ask, "What are you going to do if you get the flu?"
I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I'm going to get the flu.
I'm going to be sick.
I'll probably throw up, have chills, and be unable to get comfortable for days. I'll writhe and moan and lose 8 pounds and maybe someone will make me soup. I'm sure it won't be pretty.
But no matter what happens....no matter how sick I get....I can promise you one thing: there won't be any needles involved.
And I'll be honest with you, that's a gamble I'm willing to take...because I might not get the flu. In fact, I probably won't. I can't remember the last time I had the flu. I think I was 9.
The point is, the chance of me getting the flu is something I'm willing to risk.
It's not a gamble getting a flu shot, however. There is no question whatsoever that it will absolutely hurt.
The principle behind the flu shot is the same principle that my dad used with me when I was young and wanted to try some of his "Apple Brand" chewing tobacco.
In my child's mind, I just assumed that something that was labeled "Apple" would taste like apples.
No. It did not. At all.
My dad must have figured that a small taste of chewing tobacco would cause me to stay away from it for the rest of my life. So he gave me a little bite of it.
He was right.
This "flu shot" principle is actually pretty effective in many situations. For some people, a small taste of something harmful is enough to make them steer clear of it from that point on.
But not always.
That's why a "flu shot" approach to sin is not a good idea.
It is true that a little "taste" of sin just might be enough to show you that it can/will kill you. That small taste might be enough to teach you to run away from it for the rest of your life.
Or...it might not. You might like it. In fact, let's be honest, you probably will. And you might want more than just a taste next time.
Satan isn't stupid.
He doesn't tempt us with things that aren't fun, pleasurable, or desirable; he tempts us with things that are meant to make us come back for more.
Satan isn't satisfied with us taking a sip of sin. He wants us to chug the whole bottle, tap the keg, and come back next weekend; because he knows that even when we do....we will still be thirsty for more.
The Bible tells us to stay completely away from everything that even looks like sin (I Thess. 5:22). That's what God's Word says.
In other words, God is asking us to trust Him when it comes to sin.
Do we?
Or do we think that we need to do a little more "research" on it before we decide that it might cost us our soul? Do we look for ways to inject "weak strains" of sin into our lives? This is dangerous to us, spiritually.
The notion that we must personally experience sin in order to know how bad it is for us is simply not a biblical idea.
Neither is a flu shot, as far as I'm concerned.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Losing Grip...
I saw something that struck me as strange as I was doing my run/walk through the neighborhood yesterday afternoon. I thought I might share it with you this morning.
As I was going up a particular hill in our neighborhood, I looked down and saw an empty, discarded box of Poligrip.
For those of you who may not have dealings with such things, Poligrip is what people use to keep their dentures from falling out of their mouth. I hear that it works rather well. I still have all of my teeth, so I don't need it, but if my teeth ever fall out, I'll probably try it.
I have seen lots of things on the street/ground as I do my run/walk (I keep saying "run/walk" because I want to be honest here...I don't run the whole time. Sometimes, I walk. I'm just trying to keep my blood sugar down, not train for the triathlon). On my run/walk, I have seen:
- banana peels
- empty soda cans/bottles
- candy/gum wrappers
- old furniture
- unmentionables (seriously, don't ask)
- cats
- etc.
But I don't think I've ever seen an empty box of Poligrip. It is truly an oddity in the realm of roadside trash.
You might be thinking, "Well, it obviously came out of someone's trash can."
Well, that shows what you know.
No one lives on this hill. There are no houses on it. It was an isolated piece of trash in a location where it would otherwise not have been.
So there.
That being said, here are some things that came to my mind as I thought about this particular piece of trash:
- Could there be some kind of correlation/connection between the people who have trouble keeping their teeth in their mouth and the people who have trouble keeping their trash in their car? Could one thing cause the other? What if this person's teeth are falling out because they're a litterbug? Or worse, what if losing your teeth leads to being a litterbug? Maybe this is why the Tooth Fairy gives money instead of candy...because she knows that we'll just throw the wrapper onto the street. I always knew she was smart. These are disturbing thoughts indeed, for all of us to ponder. I think I'm going to start brushing my teeth better...and stop throwing apple cores into the woods as I drive to work...you know, just in case.
- I also thought, "What kind of rebel denture-wearer just tosses an empty box of Poligrip out of the car (or possibly from their motorcycle, I suppose)?" I can imagine a really old person laughing hysterically as they toss the box with one hand and put their teeth back in with the other.
"Ha, ha, ha, ha!!! Punch it, Harold!!!"
[this would have been said from the passenger side of the car, or from the sidecar of the motorcycle, whichever they were in]
- I also suppose it could have been a dissatisfied user of Poligrip who had finally had enough of the inferior adhesive quality of Poligrip and was taking a stand by throwing the box out of their car in disgust. Although, if this is the case, I would think that the actual tube of Poligrip would have been thrown out as well. It isn't much of a statement to just throw out the box and keep the actual product, is it?
"Waiter! This steak was overdone! I ordered it medium-rare! Take it back!"
"Sir, there's nothing on your plate but green beans and a napkin."
"Then take back the plate! I am taking a stand!"
"Um, ok, weirdo."
Hmmmmm, maybe someone picked up the tube of Poligrip off of the street and just left the box. I have seen some pretty old people walking in my neighborhood. And it is highly likely that some of them no longer have their original teeth. How could they, at that age? Maybe one of them got it. There would be several ways of looking at this if that was the case:
1. What a lucky day for some old person who has trouble keeping his/her teeth in and can't afford to buy their own Poligrip! Or...
2. What a pitiful, desperate, pathetic old person who has resorted to picking up discarded tubes of Poligrip from the street in order to keep his/her teeth in. Or...
3. What a great opportunity to plant a fake tube of Poligrip that is really filled with super glue. That'll teach em to pick up stuff off of the road.
I'd better not do that. The Tooth Fairy might hear about it and take it out on my children. She's smart, but she's vindictive. I don't want my children to suffer because of my childish pranks on old people.
I would love to tell you that there is some kind of deep spiritual application in all of this, but I really just wanted to share these thoughts with you. I'm sure I could wring something out of it, but I think I'll just save that for another time.
In the meantime...
- If you are the person who threw out the Poligrip, shame on you.
- If you wear dentures, you might want to hang out on the side of the road in my neighborhood. You might get lucky.
- If you are the Tooth Fairy...no hard feelings.
As I was going up a particular hill in our neighborhood, I looked down and saw an empty, discarded box of Poligrip.
For those of you who may not have dealings with such things, Poligrip is what people use to keep their dentures from falling out of their mouth. I hear that it works rather well. I still have all of my teeth, so I don't need it, but if my teeth ever fall out, I'll probably try it.
I have seen lots of things on the street/ground as I do my run/walk (I keep saying "run/walk" because I want to be honest here...I don't run the whole time. Sometimes, I walk. I'm just trying to keep my blood sugar down, not train for the triathlon). On my run/walk, I have seen:
- banana peels
- empty soda cans/bottles
- candy/gum wrappers
- old furniture
- unmentionables (seriously, don't ask)
- cats
- etc.
But I don't think I've ever seen an empty box of Poligrip. It is truly an oddity in the realm of roadside trash.
You might be thinking, "Well, it obviously came out of someone's trash can."
Well, that shows what you know.
No one lives on this hill. There are no houses on it. It was an isolated piece of trash in a location where it would otherwise not have been.
So there.
That being said, here are some things that came to my mind as I thought about this particular piece of trash:
- Could there be some kind of correlation/connection between the people who have trouble keeping their teeth in their mouth and the people who have trouble keeping their trash in their car? Could one thing cause the other? What if this person's teeth are falling out because they're a litterbug? Or worse, what if losing your teeth leads to being a litterbug? Maybe this is why the Tooth Fairy gives money instead of candy...because she knows that we'll just throw the wrapper onto the street. I always knew she was smart. These are disturbing thoughts indeed, for all of us to ponder. I think I'm going to start brushing my teeth better...and stop throwing apple cores into the woods as I drive to work...you know, just in case.
- I also thought, "What kind of rebel denture-wearer just tosses an empty box of Poligrip out of the car (or possibly from their motorcycle, I suppose)?" I can imagine a really old person laughing hysterically as they toss the box with one hand and put their teeth back in with the other.
"Ha, ha, ha, ha!!! Punch it, Harold!!!"
[this would have been said from the passenger side of the car, or from the sidecar of the motorcycle, whichever they were in]
- I also suppose it could have been a dissatisfied user of Poligrip who had finally had enough of the inferior adhesive quality of Poligrip and was taking a stand by throwing the box out of their car in disgust. Although, if this is the case, I would think that the actual tube of Poligrip would have been thrown out as well. It isn't much of a statement to just throw out the box and keep the actual product, is it?
"Waiter! This steak was overdone! I ordered it medium-rare! Take it back!"
"Sir, there's nothing on your plate but green beans and a napkin."
"Then take back the plate! I am taking a stand!"
"Um, ok, weirdo."
Hmmmmm, maybe someone picked up the tube of Poligrip off of the street and just left the box. I have seen some pretty old people walking in my neighborhood. And it is highly likely that some of them no longer have their original teeth. How could they, at that age? Maybe one of them got it. There would be several ways of looking at this if that was the case:
1. What a lucky day for some old person who has trouble keeping his/her teeth in and can't afford to buy their own Poligrip! Or...
2. What a pitiful, desperate, pathetic old person who has resorted to picking up discarded tubes of Poligrip from the street in order to keep his/her teeth in. Or...
3. What a great opportunity to plant a fake tube of Poligrip that is really filled with super glue. That'll teach em to pick up stuff off of the road.
I'd better not do that. The Tooth Fairy might hear about it and take it out on my children. She's smart, but she's vindictive. I don't want my children to suffer because of my childish pranks on old people.
I would love to tell you that there is some kind of deep spiritual application in all of this, but I really just wanted to share these thoughts with you. I'm sure I could wring something out of it, but I think I'll just save that for another time.
In the meantime...
- If you are the person who threw out the Poligrip, shame on you.
- If you wear dentures, you might want to hang out on the side of the road in my neighborhood. You might get lucky.
- If you are the Tooth Fairy...no hard feelings.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Daddy blog.
First of all, I apologize for not blogging lately.
The reason I haven't blogged in five months is because I have been experiencing something I would describe as "CISD" (Constantly Interrupted Sleep Disorder), also known as "DORAHTCUWGA" (Deprived of Rest and Having Trouble Coming Up With Good Acronyms).
Yes, I just made that up; but believe me, it's real.
Oh yes. It is very real.
The side effects of this disorder include, but are not limited to:
- Missing spots when you shave your face
- Missing spots when you shave your head
- Missing spots (I'm sorry, I meant to say "stops") when you drive your car
- Missing opening prayers during worship services
- Missing contributions for visiting congregations during worship services (unfortunately, you had to be there)
- Missing entire months of the year (Where did September go? Did that month actually happen?)
- Missing belt loops when you put your belt on
- Missing belts when you put your pants on
- Missing pants when you put your clothes on (luckily, other people will help you remember this one when you have legs like mine)
- Missing words when you sentences
- Missing side effects of your own disorder (I know I'm forgetting something...)
Am I saying that my baby is a bad sleeper? No, I'm not saying that.
I did not say that. Did you hear me say that?
Seriously...did I say that? I mean, I may have, because I have forgotten most of what I've typed so far already.
Actually, in the grand scheme of things, she is probably a great sleeper. I wouldn't dare compare the sleep habits of my child with someone else's because I know that there are other situations where babies sleep much, much, much, much less than mine (was that enough "muches"? I can never be sure).
But it does sort of drain you. If you have kids, you understand. If you don't, may I please come to your house and take a nap?
The joys of parenting are too numerous to mention, but the job of having two little kids under the age of 2 is no joke whatsoever.
When someone warned me, "This is going to be a lot of work", I said, "I know." What a stupid thing to say.
I didn't know.
I know nothing.
Actually, I think I know less than I did when I started, if that's possible.
I can actually feel my IQ getting smaller and smaller every night. It's like the intelligence is just seeping out of me somehow. I forget stuff all the time. I'm afraid that by the time my children have an actual question for me, my brain is going to be mush.
"Daddy, where do trees come from?"
"Trees."
"Yes, trees. Where do they come from?"
"Trees."
"Oh boy. Mom! Dad is stuck again! Get the spray bottle!"
I even catch myself incorporating "baby talk" into my adult conversations sometimes.
"What can I get you to drink, sir?"
"Let's see here....I'll have foffee."
"Excuse me?"
"Daddy foffee."
"Sir, do you mean 'coffee'?"
"Daddy foffee. Hot foffee. No, no."
"Oh boy. Flo.....get the spray bottle!"
I have actually started calling cats "meows" because that's what Ava calls them and if I want her to understand me, I have to speak her language.
I think I asked a friend of mine last week if he wanted to go "beep beep". I meant to say, "Let's take my car to lunch", but it just didn't come out that way.
I was counseling someone in my office recently and when they began to cry about their problems, I said, "would you like some chocolate milk?". Strangely, they immediately stopped crying, looked at me with big eyes, and nodded "Yes". That one might actually translate into a real-life application.
In all seriousness, I have enjoyed every single minute (even the ones in the middle of the night) of being a parent. It is truly a gift from God and I wouldn't trade a single second of it. I love my wife and my two beautiful little girls very much and the adventure that lies ahead of us is truly exciting.
I hope to blog more about it in the future, if my brain will cooperate.
The bottom line, I suppose, is that I apologize for not blogging and I hope that this feeble explanation is good enough to get me back in your good graces and to get you reading again.
If not, I have 6 gallons of chocolate milk at my house and as soon as I remember my own address, you can come get some.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Overwhelmed...
Our second child was born yesterday.
Greta Elizabeth Pate.
7 lbs. and 18 inches long.
As I sit at my home computer, with my oldest daughter taking a nap in her crib and my wife and newborn daughter resting at the hospital...
I am overwhelmed.
I'm sure I could come up with some funny observations about Greta's birth experience (and I might do that soon), but today, all I can say is "thank you" and "please help me".
My God has given me another precious soul to watch over; to love, to train, and to one day let go of. The task set before me as the father of two little girls is truly awesome.
I will be the one who molds their view of men, in general. If they end up trusting men, it will be because they trust me. If they end up not trusting men, it will probably be my fault.
I will be the one who creates their expectations of how a husband should treat his wife, and how a wife should treat her husband. If they end up not settling for anyone who won't treat them like a Queen, I will have played a part in that by the way that I treat their Mother. If they settle for some punk who has no idea how to treat a woman...it will probably be my fault.
I will be the one who, as crazy as it sounds, determines their perception of God. If they perceive God as a balanced mixture of love & discipline, I have done my job. If they perceive Him as only love or only discipline, it will probably be my fault.
Beyond the diapers, feedings, sleepless nights, birthday parties, dresses, toys, vacations, and kisses on the cheek...lies an eternally monumental responsibility.
Being a father for little girls is something that I have talked to God about at length. It is something that I have watched others do for the last decade and I have seen, through good examples and bad ones, how important it is. It is a job that I do not take lightly. I do not see myself as simply the provider for my family. That's not going to be enough. I don't see myself as simply the male figure-head in my family. That's not going to be enough.
I see myself as the spiritual leader of my family.
And that's going to be hard.
If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.
And they aren't.
Will I be the one who makes the decisions that only a Father can make?
Will I be the one who says "no" when everyone else in my family thinks that the answer should be "yes"?
Will I be the one who takes the easy path, or the one who blazes the way towards heaven for those he loves?
Will I stand in the face of Satan himself and say, "You cannot have my family!", or will I cower in the corner as he snatches them away from me?
I am afraid.
I am afraid of not being strong enough, good enough, wise enough, home enough, and man enough.
I am afraid of failing.
I am afraid of watching my girls leave my house with the full knowledge that they are not prepared for life, or for eternity...and that it's my fault.
I am afraid that they I might "run them off" from God if my words and actions don't mix the way that they should.
I am afraid that I won't say and do the right things, or that I won't say and do them often enough.
I am afraid of a lot of things.
But there is one thing that I am afraid of more than anything...
I am afraid of what I KNOW will happen to them if I don't try; if I don't dedicate the next 18+ years to doing the job that God has specifically designated for Jeremy Pate...and no one else.
It is this fear that I pray will drive me through the other ones. It is this fear that will help me make the right decision even when it isn't popular. It is this fear that will overwhelm the other fears.
And really, it's not this fear that will see me through...
It's this love.
This powerful love that I feel for my family, especially for my children. The kind of love that doesn't have to be promised; the kind that simply needs to be carried out consistently and with a dogged determination that can never be exhausted.
I love my children.
Today, that means having a job, providing formula, changing diapers, singing songs, and cleaning up messes.
Tomorrow, it will mean long talks about the Bible...and boys.
The next day, it will mean saying "no"...and sticking to it.
The day after that, it will mean finding the right answers to lots and lots of questions.
Soon, it will mean letting them go.
I am overwhelmed.
As I typed that last sentence, my child began to cry and wake up from her nap.
I have to stop blogging and go take care of her now.
After all, isn't that what love would do?
Greta Elizabeth Pate.
7 lbs. and 18 inches long.
As I sit at my home computer, with my oldest daughter taking a nap in her crib and my wife and newborn daughter resting at the hospital...
I am overwhelmed.
I'm sure I could come up with some funny observations about Greta's birth experience (and I might do that soon), but today, all I can say is "thank you" and "please help me".
My God has given me another precious soul to watch over; to love, to train, and to one day let go of. The task set before me as the father of two little girls is truly awesome.
I will be the one who molds their view of men, in general. If they end up trusting men, it will be because they trust me. If they end up not trusting men, it will probably be my fault.
I will be the one who creates their expectations of how a husband should treat his wife, and how a wife should treat her husband. If they end up not settling for anyone who won't treat them like a Queen, I will have played a part in that by the way that I treat their Mother. If they settle for some punk who has no idea how to treat a woman...it will probably be my fault.
I will be the one who, as crazy as it sounds, determines their perception of God. If they perceive God as a balanced mixture of love & discipline, I have done my job. If they perceive Him as only love or only discipline, it will probably be my fault.
Beyond the diapers, feedings, sleepless nights, birthday parties, dresses, toys, vacations, and kisses on the cheek...lies an eternally monumental responsibility.
Being a father for little girls is something that I have talked to God about at length. It is something that I have watched others do for the last decade and I have seen, through good examples and bad ones, how important it is. It is a job that I do not take lightly. I do not see myself as simply the provider for my family. That's not going to be enough. I don't see myself as simply the male figure-head in my family. That's not going to be enough.
I see myself as the spiritual leader of my family.
And that's going to be hard.
If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.
And they aren't.
Will I be the one who makes the decisions that only a Father can make?
Will I be the one who says "no" when everyone else in my family thinks that the answer should be "yes"?
Will I be the one who takes the easy path, or the one who blazes the way towards heaven for those he loves?
Will I stand in the face of Satan himself and say, "You cannot have my family!", or will I cower in the corner as he snatches them away from me?
I am afraid.
I am afraid of not being strong enough, good enough, wise enough, home enough, and man enough.
I am afraid of failing.
I am afraid of watching my girls leave my house with the full knowledge that they are not prepared for life, or for eternity...and that it's my fault.
I am afraid that they I might "run them off" from God if my words and actions don't mix the way that they should.
I am afraid that I won't say and do the right things, or that I won't say and do them often enough.
I am afraid of a lot of things.
But there is one thing that I am afraid of more than anything...
I am afraid of what I KNOW will happen to them if I don't try; if I don't dedicate the next 18+ years to doing the job that God has specifically designated for Jeremy Pate...and no one else.
It is this fear that I pray will drive me through the other ones. It is this fear that will help me make the right decision even when it isn't popular. It is this fear that will overwhelm the other fears.
And really, it's not this fear that will see me through...
It's this love.
This powerful love that I feel for my family, especially for my children. The kind of love that doesn't have to be promised; the kind that simply needs to be carried out consistently and with a dogged determination that can never be exhausted.
I love my children.
Today, that means having a job, providing formula, changing diapers, singing songs, and cleaning up messes.
Tomorrow, it will mean long talks about the Bible...and boys.
The next day, it will mean saying "no"...and sticking to it.
The day after that, it will mean finding the right answers to lots and lots of questions.
Soon, it will mean letting them go.
I am overwhelmed.
As I typed that last sentence, my child began to cry and wake up from her nap.
I have to stop blogging and go take care of her now.
After all, isn't that what love would do?
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Birthday Blog
I turn 38 today.
I know what you're thinking...
a. "He's too young looking to be 38!"
b. "I thought he was 50!"
c. "Who cares?"
Either way, it is another birthday for me and I'm grateful for another year that God has given me to live.
Here are some random facts about my birthday, which you may or may not enjoy:
- My parents came down to visit and they took us out to eat last night at Red Lobster, which was very nice. It is always very nice at Red Lobster, but it is even nicer when you don't have to pay. Those cheese biscuits...oh my.
- My Mom made cupcakes, which we ate at the restaurant. Ava (our 17 month old daughter) enjoyed hers very much. She began by trying to stuff the entire thing into her mouth (which I believe is required, according to the toddler code book), and concluded by removing every single bit of icing with her finger, slowly and deliberately. It was a sight.
- After dinner, we went to Barnes & Noble for a while. My Dad bought a book about knives. Don't worry, he's not a psycho...he just likes knives. And books about knives. And movies with knives in them. Ok, maybe he is a psycho. But he's my Dad and I love him and he probably won't stab me since I'm his son and it's my birthday.
- My parents gave me $25 for my birthday, which I promptly spent on a Batman comic at the bookstore (some things never change).
- My wife gave me three Star Wars T-shirts, only one of which I already had. I am particularly excited about the one I'm wearing today that says, "VADER IS COMING...look busy." She also has some other gifts for me today that she has been trying to give me for a month. She is very excited about these gifts, but I have insisted that she wait for my actual birthday before she gives me all of them. Sue me, I'm sentimental.
- We go to the Dr. today to schedule Greta's induction for next week. Lord willing, we will be a family of four in only a few more days:) Please pray for us as we anxiously await our new arrival.
All in all, it has been a great birthday so far, and I appreciate all of the attention (and money) that I have been given. If you have not already given me attention (or money) and would like to, I will be accepting these things up until midnight....September 14th (I like to give people plenty of time to do the belated birthday thing; I figure it's the kind thing to do).
If, after September 14th, you have still not been able to acknowledge my birthday, please speak with me privately and we can arrange an extension.
One might ask, "Why do we celebrate birthdays? What a silly notion!" I have asked that question myself (never on my birthday, though...always on someone else's. When it's my birthday, I think it's a fine thing to do and shouldn't be questioned by anyone).
Here are some reasons:
1. It is a celebration of existence.
2. It is a salute to staying alive.
3. It is a nod to remaining you.
4. It is an acknowledgement of the importance of your place in the world.
5. It is a chance to eat cake.
6. It is none of your business. Just shut up and eat the cake and stop trying to ruin it for everyone else.
Our birthdays are times of reflection. They are times when we are encouraged by those who love us. They are times for us to look back on fond memories and to look forward with optimism.
Most importantly, our birthday is a chance for us to thank God that He made us, and to ask ourselves if we are living up to His plan for our lives.
God had a plan for me before I was ever born (as He does for each of us), and the older I get, the more I am able to actively participate in that plan. To be an active, functioning child of God is truly something to be happy about:)
Yes, this post is shorter than usual, but give me a break. It's my birthday.
I know what you're thinking...
a. "He's too young looking to be 38!"
b. "I thought he was 50!"
c. "Who cares?"
Either way, it is another birthday for me and I'm grateful for another year that God has given me to live.
Here are some random facts about my birthday, which you may or may not enjoy:
- My parents came down to visit and they took us out to eat last night at Red Lobster, which was very nice. It is always very nice at Red Lobster, but it is even nicer when you don't have to pay. Those cheese biscuits...oh my.
- My Mom made cupcakes, which we ate at the restaurant. Ava (our 17 month old daughter) enjoyed hers very much. She began by trying to stuff the entire thing into her mouth (which I believe is required, according to the toddler code book), and concluded by removing every single bit of icing with her finger, slowly and deliberately. It was a sight.
- After dinner, we went to Barnes & Noble for a while. My Dad bought a book about knives. Don't worry, he's not a psycho...he just likes knives. And books about knives. And movies with knives in them. Ok, maybe he is a psycho. But he's my Dad and I love him and he probably won't stab me since I'm his son and it's my birthday.
- My parents gave me $25 for my birthday, which I promptly spent on a Batman comic at the bookstore (some things never change).
- My wife gave me three Star Wars T-shirts, only one of which I already had. I am particularly excited about the one I'm wearing today that says, "VADER IS COMING...look busy." She also has some other gifts for me today that she has been trying to give me for a month. She is very excited about these gifts, but I have insisted that she wait for my actual birthday before she gives me all of them. Sue me, I'm sentimental.
- We go to the Dr. today to schedule Greta's induction for next week. Lord willing, we will be a family of four in only a few more days:) Please pray for us as we anxiously await our new arrival.
All in all, it has been a great birthday so far, and I appreciate all of the attention (and money) that I have been given. If you have not already given me attention (or money) and would like to, I will be accepting these things up until midnight....September 14th (I like to give people plenty of time to do the belated birthday thing; I figure it's the kind thing to do).
If, after September 14th, you have still not been able to acknowledge my birthday, please speak with me privately and we can arrange an extension.
One might ask, "Why do we celebrate birthdays? What a silly notion!" I have asked that question myself (never on my birthday, though...always on someone else's. When it's my birthday, I think it's a fine thing to do and shouldn't be questioned by anyone).
Here are some reasons:
1. It is a celebration of existence.
2. It is a salute to staying alive.
3. It is a nod to remaining you.
4. It is an acknowledgement of the importance of your place in the world.
5. It is a chance to eat cake.
6. It is none of your business. Just shut up and eat the cake and stop trying to ruin it for everyone else.
Our birthdays are times of reflection. They are times when we are encouraged by those who love us. They are times for us to look back on fond memories and to look forward with optimism.
Most importantly, our birthday is a chance for us to thank God that He made us, and to ask ourselves if we are living up to His plan for our lives.
God had a plan for me before I was ever born (as He does for each of us), and the older I get, the more I am able to actively participate in that plan. To be an active, functioning child of God is truly something to be happy about:)
Yes, this post is shorter than usual, but give me a break. It's my birthday.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Best blog ever*
I am going to give $1,000 to everyone who reads this blog today.*
Seriously, I really am.**
Brooke and I took Ava to Sonic for dinner last night (and when I say "dinner", I actually mean "diarrhea") and we noticed something interesting on the menu...
It said, in large letters: "Now serving hand-mixed* shakes."
Did you notice the asterisk beside "hand-mixed"?
I sure did.
It took me a moment to find the line that explained the asterisk, but I finally found it (printed in 2 pt. type at the bottom of the page). I will paraphrase what it said because I had forgotten my telescope and therefore, couldn't read it...
"Not all locations offer hand-mixed shakes."
Well, zippity-doo-da***.
Isn't that convenient for Sonic. Hey Sonic...what about THIS location? How about the one we are currently SITTING at? Do YOU offer hand-mixed shakes, because that's really the only location I'm interested in. I'm not really all that interested in what OTHER people are able to have for dinner.
Which of Sonic's locations offer hand-mixed shakes anyway?
The ones with hands?
What kind of high-dollar, high-tech equipment does Sonic have to ration out to its many locations in order to hand-mix a milkshake anyway?
What does this even mean? Are they sticking their hands in my milkshake now and mixing it around? I'm not sure I want that. And if their hands are too short to reach the bottom of that gigantic Route 44 cup, are they going to use their feet? I need to know this information before I place my order.
I mean, am I supposed to turn to Brooke and say, "Look honey! If we were in a different location, we could have a hand-mixed shake! Let's keep driving until we get lucky!"
By the way, I'm pretty sure they don't have hand-mixed shakes in Northport. Do you want to know why? Because when Brooke got to the middle of her Sonic blast (which I realize isn't a milkshake, but it's awfully close), the toppings suddenly stopped. There were Oreos and then suddenly....there weren't Oreos anymore.
No one who was mixing that by hand would allow that to happen. A machine did that. A mindless, mean-spirited, joyless machine.
What kind of a society are we living in where we can make these outlandish promises to people and then undo them with a simple asterisk?
What if we all started doing this? What kind of chaotic madness would ensue? What if we did this in our marriages and we had to explain our asterisks?
"Honey, I love you*"
"What was that?"
"I said I love you*"
"Yeah, I heard you, but what's with the asterisk?"
"Oh, you heard that?"
"Yeah. I did. What does that mean?"
"Um, it means that I love you...unless you don't get the laundry done today, in which case I plan on being mad at you until bedtime and saying mean things about your mother during dinner."
"You're a jerk*"
"Ok, what did that asterisk mean??"
"It means that the word 'jerk' was substituted for what I really wanted to call you."
"Oh. Never mind then. I'm sorry*. I really do love you.**"
"I heard those too! What did those mean?!"
"Man, I thought those were quieter...Ok, the first one meant, 'No, I'm not', and the second one meant, 'I hope this is still true'."
"Get out."
The asterisk could conceivably single-handedly dismantle the institution of marriage in approximately 12 minutes****.
What if Christians did this while we were singing?
"Create in me a clean heart*, Oh God, and renew a right spirit within me**..."
*Except, not really. I kinda like my heart dirty, thanks. I'm just singing along so I don't stand out. You understand.
**Same thing with this one too. Leave my spirit alone please.
"I have decided to follow Jesus*, no turning back**, no turning back***"
*Except when He leads me somewhere that I don't really want to go, in which case, I'll catch up with Him later on.
**I might turn back.
***Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll turn back.
What do we really mean when we say the things we say to God and to others? What if our mental "asterisks" were actually audible and people knew that we weren't being completely honest?
The Bible says that God already knows our hearts. Just because other people don't know our hearts doesn't mean that we should go around being dishonest with them. We will be held accountable for that.
Let me challenge you to give more thought to the things that you say before you say them. I know that I need to do that. God is listening, and He expects us to be truthful and honest with one another.
Small problems can arise when we are honest with each other, but much larger problems can arise when we aren't.
By the way, I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much lately.*****
* No I'm not.
** No. Seriously. I'm not. I don't have it to give, even if I wanted to. Stop trying to get rich off of me.
***Unsure of spelling.
****Not mine, of course, but other people's.
****No I'm not. I told you from the beginning that I wouldn't do a very good job with it. It's kind of your fault for thinking that I could. So check yourself before you wriggity-wreck yourself.
Seriously, I really am.**
Brooke and I took Ava to Sonic for dinner last night (and when I say "dinner", I actually mean "diarrhea") and we noticed something interesting on the menu...
It said, in large letters: "Now serving hand-mixed* shakes."
Did you notice the asterisk beside "hand-mixed"?
I sure did.
It took me a moment to find the line that explained the asterisk, but I finally found it (printed in 2 pt. type at the bottom of the page). I will paraphrase what it said because I had forgotten my telescope and therefore, couldn't read it...
"Not all locations offer hand-mixed shakes."
Well, zippity-doo-da***.
Isn't that convenient for Sonic. Hey Sonic...what about THIS location? How about the one we are currently SITTING at? Do YOU offer hand-mixed shakes, because that's really the only location I'm interested in. I'm not really all that interested in what OTHER people are able to have for dinner.
Which of Sonic's locations offer hand-mixed shakes anyway?
The ones with hands?
What kind of high-dollar, high-tech equipment does Sonic have to ration out to its many locations in order to hand-mix a milkshake anyway?
What does this even mean? Are they sticking their hands in my milkshake now and mixing it around? I'm not sure I want that. And if their hands are too short to reach the bottom of that gigantic Route 44 cup, are they going to use their feet? I need to know this information before I place my order.
I mean, am I supposed to turn to Brooke and say, "Look honey! If we were in a different location, we could have a hand-mixed shake! Let's keep driving until we get lucky!"
By the way, I'm pretty sure they don't have hand-mixed shakes in Northport. Do you want to know why? Because when Brooke got to the middle of her Sonic blast (which I realize isn't a milkshake, but it's awfully close), the toppings suddenly stopped. There were Oreos and then suddenly....there weren't Oreos anymore.
No one who was mixing that by hand would allow that to happen. A machine did that. A mindless, mean-spirited, joyless machine.
What kind of a society are we living in where we can make these outlandish promises to people and then undo them with a simple asterisk?
What if we all started doing this? What kind of chaotic madness would ensue? What if we did this in our marriages and we had to explain our asterisks?
"Honey, I love you*"
"What was that?"
"I said I love you*"
"Yeah, I heard you, but what's with the asterisk?"
"Oh, you heard that?"
"Yeah. I did. What does that mean?"
"Um, it means that I love you...unless you don't get the laundry done today, in which case I plan on being mad at you until bedtime and saying mean things about your mother during dinner."
"You're a jerk*"
"Ok, what did that asterisk mean??"
"It means that the word 'jerk' was substituted for what I really wanted to call you."
"Oh. Never mind then. I'm sorry*. I really do love you.**"
"I heard those too! What did those mean?!"
"Man, I thought those were quieter...Ok, the first one meant, 'No, I'm not', and the second one meant, 'I hope this is still true'."
"Get out."
The asterisk could conceivably single-handedly dismantle the institution of marriage in approximately 12 minutes****.
What if Christians did this while we were singing?
"Create in me a clean heart*, Oh God, and renew a right spirit within me**..."
*Except, not really. I kinda like my heart dirty, thanks. I'm just singing along so I don't stand out. You understand.
**Same thing with this one too. Leave my spirit alone please.
"I have decided to follow Jesus*, no turning back**, no turning back***"
*Except when He leads me somewhere that I don't really want to go, in which case, I'll catch up with Him later on.
**I might turn back.
***Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll turn back.
What do we really mean when we say the things we say to God and to others? What if our mental "asterisks" were actually audible and people knew that we weren't being completely honest?
The Bible says that God already knows our hearts. Just because other people don't know our hearts doesn't mean that we should go around being dishonest with them. We will be held accountable for that.
Let me challenge you to give more thought to the things that you say before you say them. I know that I need to do that. God is listening, and He expects us to be truthful and honest with one another.
Small problems can arise when we are honest with each other, but much larger problems can arise when we aren't.
By the way, I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much lately.*****
* No I'm not.
** No. Seriously. I'm not. I don't have it to give, even if I wanted to. Stop trying to get rich off of me.
***Unsure of spelling.
****Not mine, of course, but other people's.
****No I'm not. I told you from the beginning that I wouldn't do a very good job with it. It's kind of your fault for thinking that I could. So check yourself before you wriggity-wreck yourself.
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