Losing Grip...

I saw something that struck me as strange as I was doing my run/walk through the neighborhood yesterday afternoon. I thought I might share it with you this morning. 

As I was going up a particular hill in our neighborhood, I looked down and saw an empty, discarded box of Poligrip. 

For those of you who may not have dealings with such things, Poligrip is what people use to keep their dentures from falling out of their mouth. I hear that it works rather well. I still have all of my teeth, so I don't need it, but if my teeth ever fall out, I'll probably try it. 

I have seen lots of things on the street/ground as I do my run/walk (I keep saying "run/walk" because I want to be honest here...I don't run the whole time. Sometimes, I walk. I'm just trying to keep my blood sugar down, not train for the triathlon). On my run/walk, I have seen:

- banana peels
- empty soda cans/bottles
- candy/gum wrappers
- old furniture
- unmentionables (seriously, don't ask)
- cats
- etc.

But I don't think I've ever seen an empty box of Poligrip. It is truly an oddity in the realm of roadside trash. 

You might be thinking, "Well, it obviously came out of someone's trash can." 

Well, that shows what you know. 

No one lives on this hill. There are no houses on it. It was an isolated piece of trash in a location where it would otherwise not have been. 

So there. 

That being said, here are some things that came to my mind as I thought about this particular piece of trash:

- Could there be some kind of correlation/connection between the people who have trouble keeping their teeth in their mouth and the people who have trouble keeping their trash in their car? Could one thing cause the other? What if this person's teeth are falling out because they're a litterbug? Or worse, what if losing your teeth leads to being a litterbug? Maybe this is why the Tooth Fairy gives money instead of candy...because she knows that we'll just throw the wrapper onto the street. I always knew she was smart. These are disturbing thoughts indeed, for all of us to ponder. I think I'm going to start brushing my teeth better...and stop throwing apple cores into the woods as I drive to work...you know, just in case. 

- I also thought, "What kind of rebel denture-wearer just tosses an empty box of Poligrip out of the car (or possibly from their motorcycle, I suppose)?" I can imagine a really old person laughing hysterically as they toss the box with one hand and put their teeth back in with the other. 

"Ha, ha, ha, ha!!! Punch it, Harold!!!"

[this would have been said from the passenger side of the car, or from the sidecar of the motorcycle, whichever they were in]

- I also suppose it could have been a dissatisfied user of Poligrip who had finally had enough of the inferior adhesive quality of Poligrip and was taking a stand by throwing the box out of their car in disgust. Although, if this is the case, I would think that the actual tube of Poligrip would have been thrown out as well. It isn't much of a statement to just throw out the box and keep the actual product, is it?

"Waiter! This steak was overdone! I ordered it medium-rare! Take it back!"

"Sir, there's nothing on your plate but green beans and a napkin."

"Then take back the plate! I am taking a stand!"

"Um, ok, weirdo."

Hmmmmm, maybe someone picked up the tube of Poligrip off of the street and just left the box. I have seen some pretty old people walking in my neighborhood. And it is highly likely that some of them no longer have their original teeth. How could they, at that age? Maybe one of them got it. There would be several ways of looking at this if that was the case:

1. What a lucky day for some old person who has trouble keeping his/her teeth in and can't afford to buy their own Poligrip! Or...
2. What a pitiful, desperate, pathetic old person who has resorted to picking up discarded tubes of Poligrip from the street in order to keep his/her teeth in. Or...
3. What a great opportunity to plant a fake tube of Poligrip that is really filled with super glue. That'll teach em to pick up stuff off of the road.

I'd better not do that. The Tooth Fairy might hear about it and take it out on my children. She's smart, but she's vindictive. I don't want my children to suffer because of my childish pranks on old people. 

I would love to tell you that there is some kind of deep spiritual application in all of this, but I really just wanted to share these thoughts with you. I'm sure I could wring something out of it, but I think I'll just save that for another time. 

In the meantime...

- If you are the person who threw out the Poligrip, shame on you. 
- If you wear dentures, you might want to hang out on the side of the road in my neighborhood. You might get lucky.
- If you are the Tooth Fairy...no hard feelings.