Miscellaneous

SOME RANDOM FACTS FROM MY LIFE RIGHT NOW:

1. I have obtained permission from my wife to grow out my beard for three months. 

2. Yesterday, I saw a discarded box of Fixodent on the same side of the same street that I saw the discarded box of Poligrip a few weeks ago.

3. I am planning to put up our Christmas tree on November 1st.

4. I put away my brand new watch almost a year ago because the face had started to fog up when I wore it for longer than a few minutes. I started wearing it again a couple of weeks ago - just out of curiosity - and it is no longer doing that.

5. The pumpkin spice coffee that I bought at the store doesn't taste as good as the pumpkin spice coffee at Starbucks. 

6. I ran into my old nemesis yesterday (the satanic cat who bit and scratched me during my run a few months ago) and we had a stare-down.

7. My child can say the word "Bartholomew", but has trouble with the word "yes" (she simply says "dah").

8. I have seen Shrek, Shrek 2, Shrek the Third, and Shrek Forever After a combined total of 436 times in the last month. 

9. My wife is on a special diet right now and last night she made a pizza the size of a DVD (and that's a generous comparison - it was actually smaller than that). 

10. I have not seen a single episode of Duck Dynasty.

11. I have approximately 800 Q-tips in my office, but I don't have a single one in my house. 

12. My thermos is half-filled with coffee from last week. I know that it's going to be disgusting when I clean it, so I'm putting it off...which is going to make it even more disgusting. 

13. I have about 500 books in my office, approximately 6 of which I have actually read. 

14. My prayer life is suffering right now.

SOME CONCLUSIONS I HAVE REACHED REGARDING THESE FACTS:

1. I have accomplished the impossible. My wife might actually be possessed by some kind of alien because she would never do that. I'll check in 3 months.

2. Someone is either messing with me or we have a serial, denture-wearing, non-brand-loyal litterbug in my neighborhood.

3. I will be playing defense with my 2-year old for two months, who has been officially diagnosed with "Ornament Fascination Disorder" (OFD)

4. The Watch Fairy has replaced my malfunctioning watch with a brand new one. I knew she was real. 

5. Duh. 

6. I won.

7. She might be Russian. 

8. I used to like Shrek. Now he is stupid. 

9. I'm proud of my wife, but if she leaves one of those pizzas laying around, I might try to put it into the DVD player.

10. I'm planning to buy the DVDs. I just need to remember to keep them out of the kitchen so that Brooke doesn't accidentally put cheese on top of them and eat them. 

11. My ears are clean, but I'm doing it on company time. Don't tell.

12. Time for a new thermos.

13. I'm sure they'll make movies of all of these commentaries...right?

14. I think I'll go pray for a while. After all, it's probably the only thing on this list that actually matters, right?